DrShaler

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is a peace catalyst and relationship expert. She makes it easier to talk about difficult things and resolve relationship problems within yourself, and with others at home & at work.

I am saved. Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?

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This is a question that creates two other questions, the first just for fun:

1. How would you ever end up with a husband if you didn’t have a boyfriend first?

2. Are you really asking, is it wrong to sleep with your boyfriend before you marry him?

The serious answer to question 2 is that it is completely dependent on your beliefs. 

My personal answer to your question has to come from my views, beliefs and perspective:

I believe marriage is something that happens in your heart and that of another when you know that you are willing to love one person and are willing to work anything out that can be worked out with them. You commit to walk through all that life offers together, as partners, as support, as helpmates.  That is “marriage.” 

Many people believe that marriage is the sanctifying of your union by a spiritual leader, in front of whom you make your commitments to each other. This may or may not also be part of above.

Most people, however, seem to believe that marriage is a legal entity entered into for tax purposes, benefits and the equitable provision for children of the union.  And, in many cultures, it is.

A couple came to me to marry them a few years ago.  They were definitely in love and had been living together for quite a while.  I asked them if they would marry each other if it didn’t come with the legalities of tax breaks, medical insurance, and financial interdependence. They weren’t sure.  I refused to marry them until they were.

How this all relates to the choices you make about your body is also personal.

“Being saved” is a very personal relationship with your God. How it applies to life on earth and the laws of man is also a very personal decision. Many Bible verses are happily interpreted to make arbitrary rules for folksr, and then to be able to judge them by those arbitrary rules.

You’ve likely noticed how happy people are to judge one another, even among those who are “saved.”  And, this, of course, is the exact opposite of what the Bible admonishes, “Judge not and ye shall not be judged.”  (This includes ministers, teachers, bishops, clergy of all sorts. No one is exempt if they claim to be Christian, or followers of the Bible.)

So, whether or not you sleep with your boyfriend is dependent on how you interpret–or have accepted the interpretation of others–about whether this is a good thing or not.  There were some terrible consequences for women for thousands of years, consequences that often did not apply to men at all. We don’t live in those times, so, do the rules still apply?  Again, your decision.

I hope this is somewhat helpful.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler is the founder of Sow Peace® International and Spiritual Living Network.

Posted by DrShaler at 3:26 am

I am seen as someone in the caring mode. How do I change this?

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I am seen as someone in the caring mode. All my life in fact. However, now more than ever I need close family members to listen to me and some of my needs. I go into hospital for 2 days on the 21st December and rest at home for 3 weeks after my operation. I am tired of people telling me how busy they are with their lives. I want to be polite, but firm in how I need things to change in my life. How do I do this?

 

Setting boundaries and “teaching people how to treat us” is an important part of being a grown-up. Accepting people’s response – whether it’s what we want to hear or not – is ALSO part of being a grown-up. Figuring out what to do with all the pieces can be tricky – especially if it means we have to make changes ourselves. Being a grown-up, however, gives each of us the power & control over our own lives and getting what we need and want. Sometimes we have to find new ways. Allowing other grown-ups to say no to us is all part of the deal. But making our own needs known, in a kind, honest, direct way is the first step.

 

Posted by DrShaler at 9:47 pm

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Posted by DrShaler at 8:54 pm

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Posted by DrShaler at 8:53 pm

What do I do with my 4-poster bed?

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I am confused how you would have a four poster bed in a feng shui bedroom—those four posters create chi “arrows” that “cut ” across the body when one sleeps in such a bed and can cause health problems !?

~ Chris

 

Hello, Chris,

Yes, you will not get an argument from me about the four-poster bed, however, if you already have it there are things you can do. You can hang feng shui wooden flutes from the rails. You can drape the four top rails with fabric to soften it. You can also soften the upright posts with fabric. There are always remedies that will help any situation, including enjoying your four poster bed!

Posted by DrShaler at 8:18 pm Tagged with: , , ,

Relationship Help

Miscellaneous 2 Responses »
Jul 122011

Ask your relationship questions of Dr. Rhoberta Shaler to resolve relationship problems.

RELATIONSHIP HELP:
DO YOU WANT TO ASK A QUESTION ABOUT…

  • how to sow peace within yourself?
  • how to manage anger, yours or theirs?
  • how to resolve relationship problems at home?
  • what’s happening in or to your dating life?
  • what to do about relationship problems at work?
  • how to align your vision, values, beliefs and purpose?
  • how to apply spiritual principles to daily living?
  • how to use feng shui to craft prosperous flow in your life, relationships, finances, & career?

You can ask a question and have it answered by relationship expert and catalyst, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler.

Trained as both a psychologist and professional mediator, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, founder of Optimize Life Now LLC, home to the Optimize Institute & Center, Sow Peace® International & Spiritual Living Network™,  encourages you to ask a question and get the relationship help you need quickly.  

She will send you a personal answer, by email directly to your inbox!

Ask a question below and she will respond with a personal  email directly to you.

NOTE: She will also post the question and answer on the Sow Peace blog to benefit everyone. Your question will remain totally anonymous as she will re-phrase it on the blog. So, no worries…and, you’ll be asking a question someone else may really need an answer to as well.  Thanks.   

Please give Dr. Shaler one week to respond. It usually does not take nearly that long…but, it might!

If you need confidential advice with your question and answer NOT posted on her blog, it is best to book a free 20-minute consultation with her on the phone. To do so, CLICK HERE. 

If you know you need private counseling, you can book a session with Dr. Shaler by either calling The Optimize Center at 760.747.8686, or reserving your place  in her online system by CLICKING HERE. 

Click here to see the most recent questions & answers >>>

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Posted by DrShaler at 8:13 pm

Sample Page

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This is an example page. It’s different from a blog post because it will stay in one place and will show up in your site navigation (in most themes). Most people start with an About page that introduces them to potential site visitors. It might say something like this:

Hi there! I’m a bike messenger by day, aspiring actor by night, and this is my blog. I live in Los Angeles, have a great dog named Jack, and I like piña coladas. (And gettin’ caught in the rain.)

…or something like this:

The XYZ Doohickey Company was founded in 1971, and has been providing quality doohickies to the public ever since. Located in Gotham City, XYZ employs over 2,000 people and does all kinds of awesome things for the Gotham community.

As a new WordPress user, you should go to your dashboard to delete this page and create new pages for your content. Have fun!

Posted by DrShaler at 8:13 pm

Feng Shui: Lofts, stairs & bathrooms…

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feng shui of long stairway up to loft apartment i live in a loft, and the entranceway is downstairs, with a long
stairway leading from the front door & hallway up to a landing, then a
90degree turn up a few more stairs opening into the main living area.
At the landing is the bathroom.

So… from the front door, you can see the bathroom (we try to keep
the door closed) and stairs… and nothing else.

something tells me, that requires some treatment.

any suggestions?

 

FROM DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Great insight that this calls for some special measures!  I’d like to know how much space there is between your front door and the first step…in feet and inches.  But, without that information, let me make a few suggestions, questions,  and comments:

  • You are right about keeping the bathroom door closed, especially if you can see the toilet from the doorway.  Hang a 9cm or more crystal from a 9 or 18 inch red string or ribbon between the doorway and the toilet in any case. This will help slow the chi in that room, at a minimum.
  • I hope there is enough room on the landing for a tall, slim plant–preferably real–to soften the angle and move the chi up to the loft. If this could be in a red container, that would also draw the chi.  (BTW, are the stairs wooden or metal? Are they carpeted? )
  • Can you hang paintings, wall hangings or prints on the wall of the stairs? That would keep the chi moving well, lifting up to your loft.
  • What color are the walls of the stairway?
  • Put a lovely, good sized basket at the bottom of the stairs. Not too tall and preferably round or oval, to catch the chi coming down the stairs, and slow it down.
  • Put a good-sized mirror on the outside of the bathroom door. Always in feng shui, make this mirror the best quality you can.

If you would like to give more specifics about the materials, the colors and the size of this staircase, I would be happy to give you more particular answers.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is the creator of Whole Life Feng Shui

Posted by DrShaler at 8:22 pm

It really works…can you tell me about wind chimes?

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Wind chimes do several things, the best of which are that they attract and slow down chi. For this reason, it is excellent to put a lovely wind chime in your house if there are places where there are doors or windows directly opposite from one another. This makes the chi slow down and stay in the house rather than coming in and going out immediately.

As you know, you want to invite the chi to move through your house gently. Putting wind chimes near your front or back entrance also attracts the chi.

Posted by DrShaler at 7:53 pm Tagged with: , ,

For wealth will any Chinese coins do?

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I have recently been researching Fung Shui and I have seen a dramatic difference in my children since I really clean their room up and especially for my oldest who help me do the thorough cleaning and reorganizing. He was starting to really get out of hand on several issues and he’s only 11 but he has done a 180 degree turn and has been great. I really think that his helping opened his eyes to what was going on and the Chi started to flow freely in his room. Also he is extremely intelligent in school and while I was doing the overall Bagua mapping of our apt I notice that he sleeps in the Knowledge and Self Cultivation….and my youngest sleeps in the Family & Health area and he is really close to us and always comments on family. My question is my job has been really suffering due to a drop in business sales after a merger announcement and I have not been able to get it back on track. I know that customers are influenced in the helpful people..what can I do to influence that? For wealth will any Chinese coins do with the nine inch red string?

~ Ray

 

Hello, Ray,

Congratulations on the changes you have made and inviting your son to see the value of making them. The fact that you see such fine results says it all.

Regarding your work, you are right in that you do want to activate the Helpful People area. One thing folks often don’t know is that when you activate one area, you also want to activate the one directly opposite from it, in this case Wealth and Prosperity. Use silver and grey in the Helpful People, and purple or green in Prosperity. Prosperity would be a good place for a small fountain flowing into the room. Keeping fresh flowers–as long as they truly are fresh–in either of those areas will be enlivening. Putting three traditional Chinese coins, the ones with the hole in the middle, on a nine inch red strong in the Prosperity area would be useful. Also, in Helpful People, think of putting a picture of any spiritual folks with whom you resonate. When you are sitting at your desk, use the further left corner to also put things of Prosperity. Take three Chinese coins on a nine-inch string and keep them where your bank deposit book is.

I look forward to hearing of your successes soon!

Posted by DrShaler at 7:50 pm Tagged with: , , , ,
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NB: “Ask Rhoberta” is an opportunity for you to get the insights of an experienced counselor, author and coach. The answers provided are NOT intended to be used in place of working with a trained professional counselor or psychologist over time.

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